I do not post that often when I am sleeping well. But I have insomnia again (sigh), so here we go.

One of the songs from The Sound of Music has been running through my head: "I have confidence in sunshine, I have confidence in rain ... Besides what you can see, I have CON-FI-DENCE IN MEEEEE!" This since some resolutions made somewhat hastily in the shower: firstly, I decided that I will not allow my mother to bully me around anymore. She has been doing this for twenty-odd years, and I've put up with it -- not because I'm a pushover, but because I want so badly to please her. Secondly, I got sick of waiting for an e-mail from Hannah. Yes, it was a struggle to be open with her. Yes, I deserve a response. But, come on. The information was volunteered by me; she didn't ask for me to pour my problems on her. So I shall suck it up and accept the fact that she is too busy fucking Christopher to return e-mails and that is that. A fair-weather friend she shall be.

So I resolved that I am strong, that I don't need to seek the approval of my mother or Hannah or anyone else in order to be happy. And I sang that silly little song to myself in bed, over and over again, until I could no longer tolerate Mr Q's little sleep-snorts and my throbbing lower back and had to get up. No, I am not confident in me -- no, not yet-- but maybe I will get there someday soon.

The final shower-revelation being that I would never have come to any of these resolutions if it hadn't been for all these stupid health problems. So I guess, in a way, it's something to be thankful for. The end.